Sex Q’s - Moon Kissed Edition
To close out ~sextember~ we turned to our community to see what they knew about sex. Here are some answers from our most favorite, badass girl band - Moon Kissed. 1. What’s the silliest/funniest/most obscure/oddly specific thing you’ve googled about your body and sex?
Khaya: Oh my god so many things. Funniest would be why is one labia longer than the other.
Emily: Could my clit go permanently numb if I use my vibrator too much?
Leah: Is it bad to put food on/around my vulva?
2. What myths have you been told about sex?
Khaya: I just wanna start out by saying that i’m coming at all these answers from my experience with heterosexual sex. but so i’m reading this book from the 70s that’s a collection of radical feminist essays (it’s a lil dated in many ways but still interesting) and there’s one essay called “the myth of the vagina orgasm” by Anne Koedt. It addresses the fact that the LIE that women orgasm the same way as men has been so deeply internalized, to the point of women getting accused of frigidity because their partners can’t make them come. This lie in part has been utilized to keep women as objects for male pleasure, because men need women for sex but women really don’t need men. our clits are way more sensitive than our vaginas so the only thing that’ll make us come is clitoral stimulation. so it’s really fucking rare to come during penetrative sex and if a women does it’s still a clitoral orgasm, just stimulated either mentally or through the right sex positions. therefore we need to redefine “standard” sex positions based off of ones that give mutual pleasure. she talks about a lot more stuff and everyone should go read it but yeah that’s a good myth to be debunked…
Emily: The orgasm defines if the sex is good. Sometimes there is way too much pressure to orgasm and can honestly make the experience less enjoyable. It also doesn’t mean that you don’t know how to tell your partner what you like. Even the best stimulation and pleasure doesn’t end in an orgasm and that’s fine!
Leah: This idea that power imbalance is a necessary part of sex. My models for sex growing up has always been one person dominating the other in some way, even subtly. I’ve been in dominant and submissive roles, and they’re both a lot of fun- but they aren’t a necessary component to having sex. They’re just another thing to play with.
3. Is there something you wish you knew about your body before sex became part of the picture, if it is for you?
Khaya: I guess more emotionally I wish I realized how hot I was? I hate that I felt validated after losing my virginity, and continued to feel validated after performing sex acts.
Emily: I wish I knew to trust and listen to my own body. Everyone relies on friend’s stories and how sex is portrayed in porn and in films. Feeling uncomfortable and/or in pain is not a part of the experience. It looks and feels different for everyone.
Leah: I wish I understood that bodies are weird. They look weird, they do weird things, they make weird sounds. There isn’t any preferred way for them to be, they just are what they are and that’s what’s so cool about them.
4. What’s one thing you wish were talked about more when it comes to getting intimate?
Khaya: That there’s no right or wrong way to do things. sex is messy just like life is messy and “good” and “bad” sex should be self decided, not according to a textbook definition of how to have sex.
Emily: Establishing boundaries! It doesn’t kill the mood to talk about it before and everyone feels way more comfortable.
Leah: I wish we talked about our feelings more. I really like to connect emotionally about sex, even in discussions with people who I’m not having sex with. I find it comforting to get on the same emotional page with someone.
5. If you could snap your fingers and normalize one thing about bodies who have sex, what would it be?
Khaya: I really really really wish society would drop the stigmas around STDs. everyone gets them. do your best to be safe but don’t judge or place blame on those who become infected. and for those who get infected, do your best to see it for what it is: an infection. try not to get tied up in the morality or emotionality of how and why you got it and who gave it to you. it’s a waste of time to be down on yourself about it. just take the responsible steps and then move on.
Emily: Sex can be casual but I think it will always be pretty intense emotionally and physically. Taking a second to check in is always nice.
Leah: I want to normalize body trauma responses. Bodies remember and hold onto our experiences in a way that our conscious minds do not, and they tell us what they want and don’t want. Learning to listen to those cues can alleviate a lot of pressure and strain around sex.