KAYLA FARRISH

And then I landed on a music video set with Chris Masters (choreographer) and Sven Britt (musician). Chris was our choreographer and his husband now but fiancé then Sven is a musician and he was like “I want to Beyonce” my album. They loved dance. He wanted a music video for each song and for it to just come out like a video album. It was my favorite process. I’ve done other films for other people but I kept finding that they would just bring dancers on set and be like, alright just come and do your kick thing or whatever. It would just be really vague and would have nothing to do with the song or the story line. There was no connection. It would’ve been if we had just collaborated, there would have been way more options. And that process blew my mind because everyone was connected. It went from the music outwards to this woman director Maria Juranic and how she storyboarded everything and then Chris the choreographer and how he used the lyrics and would work with us the dancers. We would pull out lines from the songs that stood out to us and choreographed based on that. They already had scenes lined up and choreography lined up and it was just magic! It was crazy! I was like, wait I want to do this. That was the first time I went up to the directors and the team and I was like I think I want to make films, I want to do this. I didn’t go to school for it so am I allowed to? I feel like sometimes you get into certain spaces and have to ask, am I allowed to go do this? Am I allowed? That’s the funny question.

From there on, I started asking friends of friends for their materials or for help and people loaned me their cameras. People showed me how to use them. I took a workshop that was from Brooklyn Central Workshop. I met a guy at Doggy Daycare that was a photographer who mentored me. He photographed for Vogue and all these other big names. It’s like, don’t hate on the job, the side hustle can help re; daycare. The camera really changed the game for them. All those steps changed what I thought was possible. I bought cameras in order to do filmmaking but I took classes for photography again. First, so I could understand the camera. Then I started doing self portraits because I wanted to be able to see myself. I wanted my identity to project out. I didn’t realize this at the time but when I moved to New York, all the dance work that I was seeing was more cinematic. I couldn’t imagine things in a straight theatre space and even all my interactions with people, I guess that was when I was like oh, our bodies are a socio-political sight. There’s a lot of systems that we are a part of whether you volunteer to be a part of them or not. And I wanted to exist. I guess the portraiture allowed me to do that and then I got into film and started combining dance. I also realized movement could do the same thing. That's why everything is all together.

Hashika: I want to ask about your story telling and the intimacy behind it and everything. Because there is so much emotion and it’s centered around socio political issues just like you mentioned. How do you think art can be activism and how has it been blending several art mediums together? What were your struggles and what were the criticisms that you faced?

Kayla; I love making and I think it is so special that I get to be myself and get to be in the space and the people that I work with. They are just so generous and so vulnerable and honest. And if we’re not there yet, how we can work together to get there. There’s a thing about - this may be in a lot of mediums - but in dance sometimes there can be a formality or really trying to get a step to be what it looks like but it can look so empty which is weird because it is our own body and things we walk around with everyday. I don’t know how to detach from being human. That makes me think of Kate Weare again because she’s always like, there are different types of people and it’s like Kate you’re on the warmth spectrum and these people are just cold and they have different skill sets with that. I guess that’s why honesty comes forward and storytelling. I feel very committed to content and what it is we’re trying to do. There was one piece where I wanted to film myself at my fullest capacity of power. I didn’t know what that was going to look like. I didn’t know what that was going to be. I didn’t know if I was going to pass out. And I realized as I was choreographing things, you get all these skills and tools and then whatever the content or theme or the idea for that vision, what do you need to say what you want to say? You have to throw it away for a second and be like this is all I need. I don’t need to fill it in. I have value already at the center. What can I do to move forward? A lot of that is being myself and being human. That’s where the story telling comes from and that’s also what I still love about Sleep No More because that’s a whole show. I was like, huh I think I love dance theater.

Nicole: I was actually going to ask about that. Such a crazy experience being an audience member. What was it like being on that show?

Kayla: With acting - they say this in dance too - but “be happy here”. That’s such a weird thing to put on. The first role in Sleep No More they offered to me was “sexy witch”. I was like, oh God! But then I was like, wait that definition can expand. What are the archetypes that I know of but also who am I inside of this? “Bold witch” was the same. She was the most powerful being and the first show felt horrible honestly. They thought I would be an amazing bold witch and I think on the outside it was like, oh she’s killing it. But I spent the entire three hours trying to prove that I was powerful. There’s one show at the beginning where I was like, what if I just start and I already am powerful? Like just a different state. It sounds like “duh”. I had to experience it. And then I was aware of all the spaces that I don’t feel comfortable in. Then I ask myself, why am I entering this? Why am I trying to prove this? And then as a black woman, this is common, this is what’s expected and this is what’s assumed or I'm erased. Or I’m an angry black woman that’s muted. There’s a lot of things feeding in and I get to create a space for me and shatter and dismantle  and create new roles and characters and things that actually exist and make space for representation! I love that stuff!

Nicole: I think the hardships of trying to blend these mediums together to be uplifting to your audiences and to yourself - what have the challenges been, especially creating a company with that in mind?

Kayla: I will say I think on the outside I try not to think too much about what people want. Not in an indulgent way but thinking about it in an “oh this serves the community in this way or can do this'' but not trying to cater towards traditions. Or this will get this award or this is what is most liked. I noticed in my last work with film live work and theater, I had one review or a couple of reviews and there were some people there who were really against the blending of the traditions, the informality. I argued with my lighting designer about if I wanted to stop and do text and she was like “you can do spotlight! You stand in it and you're perfectly lit” etc and I was like or we can just like be in the space because we have already started this conversation and can we continue to make this a conversation and not a presentation. It's just like what is human to me and what makes people feel like they can relate and connect is what is exciting to me. And I love rebellion. I just loooove rebellion. I love fucking shit up! I love dismantling things. I love riots. I love doing things that you are not supposed to do. I think that also helped a lot when learning dance things - I loved once you understand a structure, you can break a structure and you can bend the rules. Things I haven't really gotten to - I know some people call themselves interdisciplinary but I haven't decided how I want to film all the way through a live work. It has usually either been predominantly a film or we watch it or a live work versus it all being together in its own world. I might go into that direction with new work but I may explore that. 

I think with collaborators I think the difference is I use a lot of dancers or movement people. So sometimes it's getting used to text or our voices. Sometimes how it is projected when we get in space. We have all these brilliant people who are dropping it and we have no idea about acoustics and people will be like “I didn't hear anything he said but it sounded like it meant something”. Same thing with also scene work I have done in films. I have done things where I just want this to be lines or basically us talking. One of my friends - he got into it but he was so nervous. He kept saying “I don't want to mess this up” and it's also the mindset of like “oh I didn't act right I didn't study this am I even allowed to do this” but as we move along we are all like “oh yeah this is all encompassing it is all together.” 

I think for me I just go for whatever supports the content so it doesn't seem like a problem to me. Okay how can we make this happen, get the camera, make a film! I would love to expand my team and have more of a crew for films. I mean we are small but we are mighty! 

Kayla: It feels real. That was another thing that was super important to me. Even when I took photos and started taking photos myself, I would also go to nearby loved ones. Once I took one of my mom and I was like “that is you!!” and she absolutely hated it. She was like its not the right angle, “I should be smiling”. But I was like “this is your essence, this is you!” I don't know I guess things that make you feel and feel real and like you are with these people. 

Nicole You talked about pieces that meant the most to you, you talked about “Sleep No More”…

Kayla: I think I am still discovering my favorite pieces but I think I am actually really in love with all of the work I have made. “Martyrs Fiction” really has my heart because I don't think I have ever dreamed like that before. We were really confronting shit and confronting ourselves and what makes you feel like you are dreaming. It just made me walk out into the world differently. I saw the people in the room be liberated. I always think about this section called “three black men” -  it was literally three black men artists who I was working with. And I have a lot of rage. I have been learning that and I have been wanting to be able to share black rage and to make space for it so it's not all about holding these burdens in this grief. For that section, I remember being like “you guys gets to say fuck you to society, you want us to be these monsters but what if we said we are either going to be monsters of circumstance or flipping this idea of the power we had or trying on different models of power.” And that turned into what that looks like with how black people are vilified trying to put that on. But then for them it was so uncomfortable. They were like a.) we are all queer and we don’t even want to be apart of patriarchy in that way and b.) it is not safe. We cannot go outside and pretend it is a safe space so we have taken this out of our lives entirely. And it was such an interesting conversation and what unfolded out of it and we did end up because our own versions of monstrous selfs and dismantling that. And it was crazy and the things that came up for them. It meant so much. What if people in society could feel like this?

Like being in North Carolina recently, I was seeing so much suppression during George Floyd protests and stuff. It's such a well practiced thing being in suburbia and being the “token” in this space and there are certain things people don’t want to see from you. I was watching relatives and people swallowing it and say “lets just have dinner”. And I remember thinking “is anyone else gonna freak out because I feel like I am freaking out.” There is not always space for it or outlets. What if there is space to have these conversations? What if there are creative spaces and what if you can write it? That’s why people love hip hop - what if you could listen to it and have some movement and freak out for a second? And I just love that piece because I thought maybe focusing on myself or an individual could be selfish but that liberation can empower a collective. The mindset can change everyone. I guess that's self work and self transformation was huge. So I love “Martyrs Fiction”, I love" “Spectacle” - that’s on relationships and love for women. And also the abuse in those communities. 

Kayla: I am just watching “I May Destroy You” right now. I made “Spectacle” after I had experienced certain abuses and we were having conversations and I was watching that show and I was just like yes yes I feel it and it's real and it put back in the frame of mind of that making that piece of work again and I don't know, that show is a insane. The fact that she wrote that first episode so many times and that she fought for the rights for her material and worked with a company that would represent her a certain way. I actually just worked with a musician over COVID-19 again and it went horribly. I made a music video for her. I made it with my brother in law. We had to scout a location, I wrote out the scenes, to the whole song. She wanted me to dance in it, so it's just me and I chose the angles and started sending it to her and realized in the contract she is like “I want all of your rights to all of your material you give me”. So I was like oh no, no that's not okay. I assumed we were artists collaborating and having an understanding and no I don't feel any type of way but oof I saw this girl really risk everything going around these places saying that I know this material is strong and this is my work and I'm going to find the right network and I told her to trust her gut and your worth and your work. It was a great example. 

Nicole: And a learning experience too.

Kayla: I was like okay, I get it. I’m going to really read the contracts and really not have people talk you out of things. That’s the other thing about dance - something I don’t like about dance is that it’s not respected the same way as other forms. I’ve had a friend tell me that she changed her title from choreographer to director because it’s different treatment, different pay. It’s interesting. I do see it. It’s like, “come dance over here a little bit” and it’s a small stipend. There are no royalties. It’s not recognizing if you’ve choreographed it or if you’ve spent time putting it together. It feels like, “oh you just do this thing and you show up.” I know art has already been painted a certain way. It’s already lowered. Dance is ephemeral so you can’t sell the product. I feel like with film you’re getting to use dance and movement and people so you can make that a product. I don’t like consumption. Galleries too!

I admit I don’t like being virtual all the time. I like being outdoors and living life and doing things. I wished there were little elves who upload things for you. I would love that. But I’ve been thinking lately about doing virtual galleries. There are different series like film series that work well together and photographs and maybe it’s up for a couple of weeks and you can make it a movie night or like you’re visiting an art gallery or a workshop. I’m playing around with the idea of experiencing things together.

Nicole: I think that would be very interesting. Being able to tune in “exclusive content”.

Kayla: But to also make it fun! Not like a scroll situation. I feel like scrolling is hard! You gotta commit and not be like, oh I was going to eat right now, not watch this. I want people to be like, I’m going to go onto this website and watch this kind of how you’re like, oh I’m going to watch this movie tonight.

Nicole: What has your life been like since quarantine happened? How have you been staying motivated?

Kayla I was doing full time dance and choreographer [for “Sleep No More”] before this. I had worked six years for that. It’s okay, it’ll come back. Pre-COVID, I was full time at “Sleep No More” which I loved. Again with all the versatility! I might have had eight roles there and depending on the night, some of them were dancing and some of them were just acting. Sometimes you would go a few times a week, sometimes you don’t go in at all. That was my night job. I would choreograph during the day. I was pretty much in rehearsal all day for” Marytrs Fiction That felt like a shifting time. I already have this company but I would like it to be more full time and to be with my collaborators in more intensive periods and get the funding going and finish projects that I haven’t finished before and start making things that I’ve wanted to manifest.

That gallery idea, even though it fits this quarantine period, it also fits what I believe in. Like, believe it or not, I have a hard time with social media stuff too. I never post enough. My friend is like, you have so much content. Give me your phone. I document throughout a process, not for the sake of saying I did something today but it’s thinking, what does that look like and experimenting and doing that and being like “I love this” and then I have it forever. Because again, the importance of people and connection - it’s important to me to not just throw it up on the internet. I want people to spend time with it. Time, experience, conversation. Maybe there’s more dialogue between us. Maybe there are future collaborations. Maybe more ideas that spread. And that can also reflect on society. That’s important to me. I’m not that interested in immediacy.

It’s hard. Quarantine time has been great for everyone on social media but stressful for me. Cause it feels like “Ah! Wait, I am still here!”

Hashika: There is definitely so much pressure to keep creating and sharing. 

Kayla: Yeah and sharing wherever you are. It feels like before I didn’t believe in that perfect place. I feel like you are always thinking “oh gosh I hope I am sharing this in the right way”. But I am also like “what is up with informality?” And what about breaking down during COVID? We all did it! We all stress-ate! We all did it! 

Nicole & Hashika: We are still doing it! 

Kayla: Watching “Naked and Afraid” until 5 in the morning! Is this self care? I don't know! Trying to get away from that self-curated place. And all of those uncomfortable conversations too you know, I think I lost a lot of people too. Just in speaking on the truth or what is actually happening. And standing up for myself and sort of exploitative situations with artists or arts organizations. I kept thinking “yeah I don’t really want to be your voice right now because you decided today that you wanted one because we were all here before that”. Coming back to New York, I really wanted the foundation of this company, I want to keep going with these projects and these ideas. Some things I didn't finish. Some new ones, I wrote these grants for a few organizations (that might be closing), but I ended up writing a new film idea and I was listening to a lot of music and it sounds like it's going to be a lot of music videos maybe? The lyrics are perfect and I want to go to a cotton plantation! Let’s go! Some things just feel like planning or writing or doing groundwork. Somethings feel like oh my friend has a car and we don’t have to be in New York right now and we can drive places and start shooting if it is safe. Where can you make work? Right when I got here I decided to work on making a proper schedule. I am also trying to keep training - physically and in the acting theater wise sense, trying to do it daily as I was doing it before because it is so weird to come out of it completely. Daily training, daily work on this pieces, looking at these grants and seeing what financially can happen. And overall connecting with people. I am just trying to put the pieces together and luckily here I can make my own food. I love North Carolina but soul food is dangerous! The family meals! And the family pressure! Being at home for so long, I forgot that sometimes people don’t believe that arts can be a job and don’t know the time it takes and what it can really do. So I decided I needed to be making and creating. 

I remember being outside of New York, people just denying that it was happening. While working at Walgreens at home, someone came up to me and told me “I don’t know why everyone is making this a big deal, this is just the flu” and I was going to say “ya know we all lost our jobs and everything and you would feel very differently if you had experienced that and you had been around the loss of lives.” And sometimes you forget where you are. It is the same people who deny Black Lives Matter or tell me that we are all looters or that I should go back to my apartment in New York before people rob me. And I kept thinking like what are you talking about…. It’s so interesting.

Hashika: That is just like so much privilege to ignore everything that is going on, that is absolutely insane.

Kayla: But back to “Sleep No More”, it was really really lovely though. I think that the idea of being close to people is the most exciting part to me actually. Being able to have a monologue similar to this conversation or there is an older man and he was sitting in a chair I was supposed to be partnering in and I had to stop the scene and grab him and be like “let's move over here” and we slow danced over to another space so I could finish the scene and it was so cool like where else would this happen. Normally you are like “I have to spin and kick, I got to do my moves!” and with this show I felt like it didn’t really matter very much in the grand scheme of everything like what we are doing. And also just the honesty of the storyline. Learned a lot about being myself again. Especially with my last couple of contracts I had. One of my characters, she was pregnant! But she has these different fantasies and beautiful moments that come up and a lot of her things she is just walking through the space and things are happening to her and the audience watches her experience them. It was interesting to remove my ego and be like “okay I am going to walk over here and pick up the dress” or like I am having this drugged fantasy and I am going to let it play out and not try to fill up the space. And try to remember what feels like love or what feels like sadness while in front of other people. The flip side is I also got to poison people as one of my characters which was so fun I loved the darkness. I felt like I was going to poison everyone (lol). 

Nicole: The riot!

Kayla: I love film work. Because I was a dancer first, sometimes I feel like that is not understood yet. But I think I love storytelling and getting glimpses of parts of my brain or psyche or other peoples. I feel like it is a peek in.

Hashika: And being able to understand them and see them in their most honest form.

Kayla: You get to seem you get to feel and also you get transported. The willingness you have when you watch a movie, everything. The character may just have a thought going by their face or their head and then you get to see the whole processing and that is amazing. Music and film make me feel that way and I want to create those things. 

I am trying to get used to thinking that my projects are ongoing things and not just future things. I always feel constant pressure and end up thinking I'm not doing enough and then reminding myself that wait it's happening!